July 20, 2011

Harry Potter and the Failtastic Continuity

So, like the rest of the free world (excluding this guy ) I recently saw the newest installment in the Harry Potter franchise. I have been a devoted Potter fan since I was a wee tike, so you can imagine my disappointment when I found out that I was going to be in the Bahamas during the premiere. No, scratch that, you can’t. It was heart-wrenching. This was the one movie premiere I was to be permitted to go to (I have gone to three book premieres over the years, which were all incredibly enjoyable nerd events full of fantastic dorkdom). The night of the premiere all of the kids on the ship sat together for a moment so that we could all mourn our loss.

So, suffice it to say, after I got back to the States I made sure to get to a movie theater as fast as my feet (or, rather, my car) could carry me.

Now, I’m going to start by saying that I did in fact love the movie. I am completely loyal to the series, and I felt that this movie did all it could to do justice to JK’s vision. The cinematography and special effects were brilliant, and the acting was as flawless as it has always been. And McGonagall was a beast. The end.

I’d also like to establish here that, unlike the sheeple that populate the interwebs with their mindless drivel, I will not be complaining about the complete and utter awk that was Voldemort. Even though it was so, so awk. If you came here looking for a dissertation on the subject, I am sorry. If your heart is set on getting your fix of awkward Draco-Voldemort man-love, please enjoy the following video.

(Yes, that is ten minutes of the most awkward hug in the history of cinema on a continuous loop. You're welcome.)

That being said, there was this one teensy weensy little thing that bothered me, just a tiny bit.

THE @$*#&^%$#^*%&*$(&()$#&%()$#*()%$(*&(*%$ DIADEM.

I’m sorry, but really now?


That’s the ONE THING you decide to change?

That was one of my FAVORITE pieces of continuity in the books.

In case you have no idea what I’m talking about, here’s how it went down:

In the sixth book, Harry goes to the Room of Requirement alone to get rid of the Half-Blood Prince’s potions book. While there, he starts to mess around (in a totally productive and plot-relevant way) with some of the, for lack of a prettier word, crap that generations of Hogwarts students have abandoned in their haste and general sloth. Let’s be honest, this place was basically the nasty-hole in which lazy teenagers got to dump their junk so as to avoid ever seeing ever again.

10 points for Dumbledore.

While Harry is being unproductive and ADD he picks up a seemingly innocuous tiara and puts it on top of a statue in the middle of the room for kicks and giggles. He then walks away, thinking nothing of it. Later, in the seventh book, Harry figures out that Rowena Ravenclaw’s diadem is hidden in the room of requirement. In one of his few and fleeting moments of intelligence, he realizes that the tiara and the diadem are the same @#$(*U#@ thing, and this saves him the precious few seconds he needs to be ultimately successful.


I mean, come on? Who here actually remembered the tiara-statue thing from Book 6 when they were reading Deathly Hallows before the clue from the Grey Lady? If you say you do, you’re a dirty rotten liar and most likely a hipster.

So, as cool as that bit of literary continuity was, the movie producers/writers/directors/whatevers forgot or simply neglected to put the tiara-fiddling in the sixth movie. When it came time to release Deathly Hallows: Part II there was nothing to remind the people that the tiara SHOULD HAVE BEEN ON THE STATUE, so you know what those tools did?

They put it in a box. A frigging jewelry box. And had the horcrux just talk to Harry.

Yeah, that is lame. As lame as me on a dance floor.

It comes down to pure laziness. I mean, how easy would it be to have added six seconds of film to the sixth movie? Rather than one of the most awkward kisses of all time (again with the Potter awkwardness), we could have cut Ginny from the scene (or even her awful one liner of, “That can stay in here too, if you like” after she and Harry play a bit of tonsil-hockey) and added him messing around with a tiara and a statue while he was leaving. That much would have satiated me. But no.

So yeah, I’m a bit upset.

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