False Advertising

 “What would you do for a Klondike Bar?”

I have seen this ad for years. I have heard the jingle and seen the people frantically scrambling or pushing over old ladies to get their hands on what the advertisements would have you believe to be the food of Jesus and the unicorns.

All of this hype, and somehow I managed to make it seventeen years on this earth without having ever eaten a Klondike Bar. I’m not going to lie, the commercials were pretty persuasive. The ice cream alone looked good – but then again, it’s food, coated in chocolate, filled with ice cream. I mean, how could you go wrong? Needless to say, I had expectations.

My expectations of a Klondike Bar:

1. Pure, heavenly, unadulterated deliciousness
2. A chorus of angels singing out as I take the first bite
3. The best thing I’ve ever tasted
4. All the world’s problems disappearing
5. Magic

I might have been setting
myself up for disappointment.

What it actually tasted like:

1. Synthetic chocolate
2. Ice cream
3. Foil. I’m really coordinated when it comes to eating foods that are wrapped in user-unfriendly packaging.
4. Disappointment
5. Failure

So what would I do for a Klondike Bar?

My answer: Eh, I guess I’d walk to the fridge, but unwrapping it is a lot of work….and my fridge is so far.....