August 16, 2011

Application for Employment

Name: Kaitlyn Sims                                                                                                             

Age: 17                                                                                                                               

Position Desired: Member of zombie apocalypse survival squad                                        

Salary Desired: Food, shelter, weapons, ammo. Currency has little or no value in the New World Order.    _                                                                                                                

Prior Experience: I single-handedly vanquished both the monster under my bed and the boogie man in my closet by age six.                                                                                        

Special Skills: Strategical planning, MacGyver-esque improvisation, Five Card Draw fantastic driving, awesome cooking skills, banjo.                                                              

Assets: I am an incredibly fast learner and a strong leader, but will always prioritize survival above heroism. I adapt quickly and am familiar with a variety of different locales. I am never too proud to run away from a fight or horde of the living dead. Although I may appear strong and weak, I am fast and cunning. However, I am not willing to be used as bait. (Though I am willing to use my impressive powers of coersion to trick other team members into volunteering to be our bait.)                                                                                            

Weaknesses: Severe arachnophobia, weak runner,  chocolate chip cookies.                     

Personal Statement: I would be a valuable addition to your zombie apocalypse survival squad because I am determined (to survive). I have been reading up on zombie survival techniques for years, and I am more than ready to take on the role of zombie-slayer/team jester. As I am incredibly uncoordinated, I will make excellent comedic fodder, providing our team with countless hours of entertainment in lulls between flare-ups and long car rides across barren deserts as we search for places to hole up will replenishing supplies. Although I am not familiar or comfortable with firearms, in the case of zombies I will make a noted exception. Personally, I am not a proponent of the head shot when it comes to taking down hordes of the living dead while fleeing. It leaves too much room for error. Rather, I plan to shoot zombies in the leg so as to cripple them. (While zombies may not register pain, a broken leg is, well, a broken leg, and will be unable to facilitate chasing our team) Survival is my top priority. I will do everything in my power to be a productive member of your team, and I believe I am the right woman for the job.                                                                     

References: My cat                                                                                                             

Availability for Training: 8/22/11                                                                                   

Availability for Employment: Immediately following the outbreak                                 

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