August 9, 2011
I just want you gone.
I feel censored. All of the time.
I'm having one of those teen-angst-no-one-understands-me-my-life-is-so-hard days. They're fun, no?
And today, my biggest complaint is that I feel censored in everything I do.
I want to post a like on Facebook. Oh, wait, my pastor and parents and family are my Facebook friends, never mind.
I want to blog about drama in my life. Oh, wait, some of my friends read this and would know what I'm talking about, never mind.
I want to tell a new friend about something that's upsetting me. Oh, wait, she goes to school with someone who is involved, never mind.
I want to get opinions on my writing and poetry. Oh, wait, I'll look like a desperate compliment-grubber who just wants attention, never mind.
I want to be frank about something with someone new in my life. Oh, wait, that person will see me for the freak I am, never mind.
I want to ask for help with something. Oh, wait, certain people will patronize me for not knowing everything, never mind.
I want to express a political opinion. Oh, wait, most of the people in my life don't share the same views as me, never mind.
I want to be an author for a certain web site. Oh, wait, colleges and potential employers will be able to see that, never mind.
I want to speak my mind. Oh, wait, you'll read what I post, never mind.
I used to love the fact that I wasn't afraid to tell people what I thought - it was one of my proudest traits - but more and more it feels like I have to hold my tongue to keep it in check. Sometimes it's just easier to smile and pretend everything is just dandy rather than confront. And I really am no good at it.
Posted by Kait at 5:07 PM